I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
