well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
