I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
