hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
