I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
