You're my little dorito
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
