K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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