I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
