I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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