I hate your face
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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