I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
