i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
