Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
