There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
