This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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