I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
