i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
