The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
