He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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