gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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