apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
