i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Couch. On fire.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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