Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
