Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
