She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
