spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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