My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
