I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
