sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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