Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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