Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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