One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
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I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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