We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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