i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
