we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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