Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
