i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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