i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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