This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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