What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
