dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
