dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
