Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize