Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
