Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
