You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
