He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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