I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
