Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
