ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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