The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
