quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
