There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
