Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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