I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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