ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
