i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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