My room smells like vodka and shame
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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