Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
