i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
