hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
