Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
