Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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