onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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