my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
