dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
