I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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