New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
