why im i the only drunk person in the library?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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