Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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