I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
