I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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