Redeem this text for a blowjob
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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