Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
