I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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