Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
