do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
