I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
