I hate your face
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
